Yesterday Efe, one of the participants in the Turkish training group, asked me a question. He said something like, how can you tell the difference between heaven and hell? It was a good question. I thought about it for a moment.
What really is the difference between the two? For many people, heaven is a place where everything is beautiful and life unfolds smoothly. It always feels comfortable and warm. And hell of course, is the opposite. It’s the wrong place, wrong people, a place where we don’t like what is happening. Hell is actually the feeling, I don’t want to be here. But there is another way of looking at paradise and hell.
You can find paradise in the middle of chaos and pain and in the middle of hell too. This is what I experienced in a session during the workshop in Turkey. One minute I saw only hell around me, people were miserable, nobody seemed to be okay with themselves, the air seemed to burst with unmet expectations and I felt myself being pulled into the trap of disgust, disappointment and suffering. Then suddenly it hit me. This is how it is, right now. THIS is how it is. And what’s more, it’s ok. I suddenly found myself smiling at the discovery. It didn’t have to be any other way. From one moment to the next I found myself, unbelievably, transported from hell to paradise. Through the simple step of having accepted things exactly the way they were.
Why is it necessary for us to take things the way they are and what exactly does it mean? It means, I found out, to be here and now, not somewhere else in time and thought. It means to make peace with yourself and others. And this acceptance creates a healing space around us. A space in which we ourselves can be seen and accepted as we are. All of us have in some way been hurt in our lives, been betrayed, wounded, let down. To become whole again, to become free of this pain needs the healing touch of acceptance. From ourselves first of all and of course when others also accept us it is beautiful.
The question which often arises then, is, can we together create this healing space between us in our lives? A space in which it becomes possible to let go, to drop our expectations of ourselves and each other, and to come into contact with the truth of the moment – good, bad or indifferent as it might be? Are we capable, are we ready to look at ourselves the way we are. Can I see my own competitiveness, my fears, my need to be special, or whatever it might be, and say to myself, “OK. This is the way I am.” Without defiance, without judging, without at first wanting to change anything. Can I look at these things with curiosity and interest and is it possible for me to show this same interest in others? Can I, through this simple step of being interested in seeing myself the way I am and in seeing others too the way they are, help to create a space for us to live in paradise, together? Because among other things, paradise is a place where it feels alive. A place where one is in a state of constant wonder. Where each moment has a new feel to it, a place touched by the breath of freshness. And only a real live interest in the truth and in “what is” can help to create this state.
However, one often comes across this misconception, that to accept means to be passive and resigned to our fate and to opt for the status quo. In actual fact it is the opposite that happens. Our refusal to accept the truth is what holds us in a state of permanent expectation and discontent. Inner acceptance dissolves the roadblock and brings about change. It brings about a certain clarity which makes action possible. And not just action which comes out of fear or defensiveness the way we are acquainted with it, but action which is intelligent and in the interests of the whole. Because when we act out of acceptance and love we can do what is right without being caught in conflict and anger. Our action is not influenced by fear, but rather, it comes from clear sightedness.
This is how it is. This is how it is now. It doesn’t have to be any other way. To feel the present moment in your mind and in your body without fighting it. Is it possible?
– Uma Ranganathan